We ask God to help us be ‘good stewards of the gifts and talents He has given us’. I think I added this specific line to our prayers at the beginning of this year. This morning, my sweet boy decided to ask me what ‘steward’ meant – which, of course, at first led me to wonder to myself what he thought we’d been praying for all year. I kept that little thought to myself and instead turned to gratitude for his being inclined to ask and want to know.

I explained to him that being a ‘steward’ meant that we were taking care of or looking after something – something that usually belonged to someone else. We then talked about how God – through his grace – gave us the gifts and talents that we all have. We all have beautiful things to offer this world and everything in it, and that each of our gifts has a very specific purpose in order to help create harmony. I explained to my son that the gifts and talents that we have are a gift from God and that, by giving us these unique abilities, He wants us to use them for a greater good and to their fullest potential – so, in that sense, we are to be a ‘good steward’ of our abilities.

My heart was warmed as each child began to list off what they believed to be the gifts and talents they possessed. I reminded them that it was important that they be respectful and appreciative of those gifts and to only use them for a greater good.

Discussions like these make me stop and ponder whether or not I am using my gifts and talents to their fullest potential. Truthfully, I’m not sure I have ever sat down and listed what I think that these might be… which suggests that I am likely not only not using them to their fullest potential, but may not also be always using them for a greater good.

Perhaps its time for a period of discernment to prayerfully consider these gifts and talents and determine where it is God would like to see me use them in His name and for His glory. How wonderful that a simple conversation with children can lead us to an opportunity for deeper thought, consideration and discernment.

Amazing things happen when we slow down. We stop and smell the roses. Wait – that would be a *great* quote to put on a needlepoint pillow! We hear it so much that we don’t even really think about it anymore. This weekend, though, I was given the greatest gift that one can receive; love.

My husband was busy during the day on Saturday, but the weather was spectacular for being outside so I dragged my somewhat reluctant kids to the ‘Revival Market’ about 10 miles outside of town. It was a wonderful little open air market featuring every kind of reclaimed door, window and piece of something you really didn’t need that one could want. And, egads, my kids even enjoyed it! It didn’t hurt that they had a talented singer there with his guitar singing acoustic versions of their favorite songs like Katie Perry’s ‘Firework’ (why is it that mediocre songs by mediocre singers seem to be so enjoyable to the pre-tween audience – thankfully, my kids do have a thing for Mumford and Sons as well as Coldplay so we do see eye to eye on *most* music). We enjoyed our hour or so rambling through the stalls filled with all sorts of gems. Amazingly, we managed to walk away empty handed.

On Saturday night, I went to hear my friend, Sally Robb, speak at our Church. It was a small and intimate gathering where she talked about love. She’s a brilliant woman who has been blessed with seeing every drop of beauty in the expansive world that is the Catholic faith and manages to help those who hear her speak understand their faith in a way that is both eye-opening and life-changing. In roughly an hour, she managed to explain the beauty of God’s love in the most spectacular of ways.

We hear it over and over and over… but we don’t grasp it. ‘God is love.’ How simple and beautiful it is. God is love. Why did God create us? Because He wanted someone to love and wanted to be loved. God, in His majestic glory, sent his only son for our salvation to become love personified. Everything that Jesus did during his short 33 years here on earth was an act of love. Everything. The gospels tell us that He never spoke ill of anyone, never harmed anyone, taught us through acts too innumerable to document in just one book how to love one another.

God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator’s eyes. And this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.’” – Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1604

Sally shared with us, through her beautiful wisdom, the idea that not only must we love others – but we must love and see ourselves as God sees us. God sees the most perfect version of ourselves that we can be. He knows what that is and He sees us in that way. We, however, see ourselves as the imperfect sinner. Does that mean that God doesn’t see our sin. Of course He does – but He is saddened by us, not angry with us. We do that to ourselves. Those with children will understand the feeling when our children defy us in some way. We feel sad that our children haven’t listened to us – if they loved us they would have listened. Not listening must mean they don’t act in a loving way toward us, and that makes us feel sad. This is how God must feel. He has given us the ability to live our lives and to *choose* to love him and also to accept His love. When we sin, we turn our backs on God’s love for us just as our children do to us. Its painful and it hurts.

Though, if we open our eyes and our hearts, we can see the gift of grace in God’s forgiveness of our sins. Every time we are aware of our sins, we become more and more aware of our relationship with God. We draw closer and closer to Him, just as we draw closer to those we love when we hurt them and realize how it must make them feel. We also learn that which we are to be working on within ourselves to become the best version of ourselves – the David with Michelangelo’s block of marble.

We must be able to love ourselves the way in which God loves us in order for us to love others. If we cannot fully experience our love of self, how can we share that love with others? Part of loving imperfect selves is understanding that God loves our imperfect selves. Love feeds love.

Its no accident that I started reading ‘Radical Hospitality‘ on Sunday. Its a beautiful little book that discusses the depth of true hospitality – not just the idea of welcoming strangers with a warm meal, but welcoming them by creating a ‘sacred space’.

At the heart of monastic hospitality is the discipline of listening, of allowing a guest to feel safe and loved. – Radical Hospitality

Kathryn Jean Lopez was live Tweeting from Cardinal Dolan’s commencement speech at Catholic University of America on Saturday. He had some wonderful things to say, and I’m grateful for her willingness to take the time to post them to her Twitter feed.

The human, only creature on earth that God willed 4 itself, cannot attain its full identity except through a disinterested gift of self #cua

— Kathryn Jean Lopez (@kathrynlopez) May 12, 2012

and

We are at our best when we give our very selves in love to another #asJesusdid #cua @CardinalDolan

— Kathryn Jean Lopez (@kathrynlopez) May 12, 2012

God places these wonderful little messages in my path when He’s trying to tell me something. Thankfully, this message was delivered in a gentle and kind manner – unlike the baseball bat to the head that is sometimes the method of delivery.

Turning back to my Mother’s Day, I had a new and deeper appreciation for my role as a mother and an awareness of how much I loved my family and how much they loved me. My role as a mother is a gift from God. He entrusts my husband and I with two of his most precious children – and they are all precious. The God of the universe who IS love, has blessed me with a husband with whom I could create the two most beautiful little people I could ever imagine having the privilege of raising.

As I continue on my journey through my life and walk the path of my faith, I learn more and more about God. What I learn changes my perspective as I realize that the most important gift I can give my children is to teach them that they are loved by God for all that they are and that God sees in them the beauty and perfection upon which He bestowed upon them as His creation. My role as a mother is also to impart on them that, I too, see that beauty and the gifts and talents they have been given. Like God allowing me to make mistakes in order that I will become more self-aware, I too must allow my children to stumble in order that they can learn – and, hopefully, in the process we can grow closer as they learn that in order to love them I must give them that freedom.

As we spent time together as a family on Mother’s Day, I saw a happiness, love and familiarity in my family’s eyes that had been missing for some time as we went about our lives busying ourselves with something or another. That was the greatest gift of all.

In late October, our prayers of understanding why this was happening had been answered. We went to our scheduled parent-teacher conference and learned that on that morning a boy had written an unkind note about our son and had showed it to him in order to have him feel badly. We spoke with our son about this note and the floodgates opened. We discovered that this had been just one in a series of incidents that had been taking place almost daily. The cumulation of this behavior by this boy had caused our son to feel terrible about himself. We, with our son’s teacher, told our son that this behavior would change and that he could freely and openly tell us about these incidents going forward. While we didn’t realize it at the time, we noticed within that very week that our son’s cheery disposition was starting to return and his moments of rage had begun to diminish.

I’ve been more alert to bullying and its impact since this happened. I admit that I had read of teen suicides as a result of bullying in the past and had wondered ‘How could the parents not know what was happening?’, and – after having our son experience someone telling him repeatedly that he was worthless for two months and not know though knowing something was happening – I can say that I now understand how I understand how they could not have known.

Watching the news the past few weeks, I have seen examples of bullying take place in very public ways and it has been appalling to watch. A bully is defined as ‘A person who uses strength or power to intimidate those who are weaker.’ and the act of bullying is ‘Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.’

The most prominent example of this blatant bullying took place when prominent anti-bullying advocate, Dan Savage, founder of ‘It Get’s Better‘ (widely endorsed by the Obama administration) took the opportunity to use his pulpit at a teen journalism conference to speak horribly about the Bible and Christians who believe in the validity of sacred scripture. During a lengthy anti-Bible rant, Savage noted that

We can learn to ignore the bulls-t in the Bible about gay people.

He went on to refer to those who, offended by his behavior, got up and left by calling them names like ‘pansy-asses’. It is astounding to me that a young gay man who has been the subject of much name calling and criticism of his choices in life – so much so that he would start a foundation to speak out against it – would be so hypocritical to exercise the same behavior he abhors to a group of teens who thought they were coming to hear about journalism. Dan Savage has become the bully (we become what we hate?).

Sadly, this behavior is being exercised from the top down by our own President here in the US as ‘Obama for America’ had the audacity to publicize the names of donors to the Romney campaign whom they deemed to be ‘questionable’. The point here isn’t to discuss the merits of whether or not Romney has ‘questionable’ donors, or even to point out the hypocrisy of President Obama doing so when his own list of donors contains their own questionable characters (John Corzine?, Jeffrey Katzenberg? George Kaiser?), but rather to illuminate the poor example it sets for our children when the highest office in the land to abuse its position of power and threaten those who speak out (or donate) against it. Isn’t this considered intimidation of those weaker than the office of the President – which would be essentially everyone in the US.

I’ve been doing my very best to stay away from being political on this blog… I really have! Reading this story yesterday, however, combined with the revealing of Savage as a bully prompted me to write this today. The story reveals how the publishing of questionable and inaccurate materials on the Obama for America website about Frank VanderSloot, the CEO of Melaleuca, Inc. has cost Mr. VanderSloot significant business deals. Other articles regarding the matter indicate that Mr. VanderSloot is considering libel lawsuits – and rightly so. The first line of the article states

Here’s what happens when the president of the United States publicly targets a private citizen for the crime of supporting his opponent.

It is saddening that we would find ourselves with the individual occupying the highest office of the land speaking out against bullying, and then using the same tactics he criticizes in those who bully in an attempt to hold on to that office.

How can we teach our children the importance of respect for one another and treating those with whom you may disagree with dignity and respect if those who occupy prominent places in the media don’t do the same and exemplify that behavior? Its even worse when those who speak out against it turn around and do the very thing against which they speak.

Thankfully, there is always the opportunity to share with our children the idea that Jesus taught us loving others as He loves us.

What struck me as I was reading this book is ‘Why the secrets of the Eucharist are secrets?’ Its not as though these are ‘secrets’ in the sense that these are little known facts being intentionally hidden by a select few. The secrets are things that we really *should* know in order to fully appreciate the magnitude of the gift that we have in the Eucharist. The ‘secrets’ are really the things we either keep ourselves from realizing, or have never had the beauty of someone share them so that we may deepen our understanding.

One of the keys to bringing the soul into a faith filled union with the Eucharistic Lord Jesus is the virtue of humility.

For me, one of the most profound and thought provoking statements of the book is the one noted above. Of course, it makes perfect sense – but how often do we stop and ponder our own humility? How often do we do so in a world that rewards those who bring themselves to attention for achieving almost nothing and fails to recognize the virtue that exists within those who quietly achieve great things that change the world.

Flynn goes on to note the ‘The Emmaus Problem’ in which the Apostles fail to recognize the true identity of Jesus until

‘at the breaking of the bread’ their eyes are opened, and they recognize Him (Lk 24: 13-35)

As a convert, the most difficult concept for me to grasp was the idea of ‘transubstantiation‘. Flynn’s discussion of ‘The Emmaus Problem’ spoke to me in a very particular way in that I recognize fully that I continue to try and understand the concept with my head. But, how does one understand ‘The Mystery of Faith’ with one’s head? It cannot be grasped. I am constantly reminding myself of needing to understand with my heart.

The first mystery talks about the Eucharist as being ‘Alive’. I’d never thought of this before. I’d never thought of whether it was a ‘dead’ or ‘living’ Jesus and what that meant. Truthfully, I felt like a bit of a nitwit when I read the bible passage at the end of the chapter.

I am the living bread… Whoever eats this bread will live forever… Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. Jn 6: 51, 57

I had images of Homer Simpson running through my head saying ‘Doh!’. How did I miss this? I’ve only been fortunate enough to receive the Eucharist since December of 2007, but did I really miss this *the whole time*! It wasn’t, however, until I read the whole book and was reminded of other ‘secrets’ of which I was already aware that I realized why Christ was ‘Alive’ in the Eucharist – it is because He lives in Heaven and when we participate in the Mass we are invited into the presence of those in Heaven through the lifting of the veil. Of course – it makes perfect sense. If the Eucharist is the presence of Christ as He exists in Heaven – then the Eucharist *has* to be ‘Alive’. It makes sense… but why am I just now learning this?

‘The flesh of the Son of Man, given as food,’ explains Blessed Pope John Paul II, ‘is his body in its glorious state after the resurrection.’

With this in mind, it is easy to see why Flynn takes significant time to reflect upon the importance of being prostrate in either our bodies or our minds – or both.

Flynn goes on in the second secret to note that ‘Christ is not alone’. How many times when we receive the Eucharist do we hear ‘Body of Christ’ or ‘Blood of Christ’ and think ‘Yep – its the Body of Christ’ or ‘Yep – its the Blood of Christ’, but we forget completely that Christ is only one element of the Holy Trinity. So where Christ is present, so too are God and the Holy Spirit also present. Also, we forget that Christ – in His perfection – cannot be ‘divided’. Hence, His body and blood are fully present in the Eucharist under both species which is why we are in full communion upon receiving either the consecrated Host or the Precious Blood. Flynn also reveals the presence of Heaven during the Eucharistic Liturgy as revealed in the Book of Revelation. A nice summary (albeit somewhat antiquated website!) can be found here and also here.

Time and Space for God is what exists under the 'arc' - it is not limited by linear time or man's concept of space.

The third secret ‘There is only one Mass’. In order to fully understand this aspect, one really needs to understand the first two secrets – they build on each other. The concept of this secret is the idea that God exists across all space and time and that time, for God, is not linear or chronological as it is for us. This is a concept that many seem to struggle with, but somehow my ‘warped’ brain seemed to understand. Two elements that helped me to understand this were asking – if God created the Universe, why would He be constrained to linear or chronological time. We, as humans, live on a chronological time scale and (save for some Saints who were able to bi-locate) can only be in one pace at any given time. God, however, is all encompassing and it would seem almost insulting to box him into the same concept of space and time limiting him to the notion that He can only be in one space and in one point in time. Realizing this, I was able to visualize the idea of a line representing the ground in which we stand and also the linear time scale, and a person (you, me, whomever) at a certain point in time. If it was our names that Jesus whispered on the cross, wouldn’t God be able to be at any point in time that He wanted to be and also at *ALL* the points in time that he wanted to be? With this is in mind and the idea of being invited to be in the presence of those in Heaven from the second secret, it becomes easier to contemplate the idea that when we attend Mass, we are stepping in and out of one Mass.

With the Lord, one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like one day. 2 Peter 3:8

The Mass is a re-presentation of the sacrifice of Christ – not a ‘memory’ of it, and not a ‘recreation’. At the Mass

the once-for-all sacrifice of the Cross, which is always present before the Father in heaven, is now made present on our time and place – p. 43

Even more astounding

We sit there in our parish church, locked in the confines of our own time and place, thinking that we’re joining our priest in offering our own particular Mass. But, in reality, Christ is inviting us to enter in, beyond the veil, so that He can lift us up, out of time and into the Eternal Now, into the very sanctuary of heaven, where He leads us into the presence of the Father (See Hebrews 10:19-21)

The awareness and belief in this – in and of itself – is absolutely mind-blowing to me.

In the fourth secret, Flynn asserts that the ‘The Eucharist is not just one miracle’. I have to confess that I didn’t fully grasp this the first time I read this book. One of the women in our group the other night noted that she thought that perhaps Flynn had *really* wanted to have ‘seven’ secrets and could only come up with 6, but then struggled and came up with this idea. She wasn’t quite sold on the idea. After some reflection on the first three miracles, she and I both came around to the idea that if you looked at everything that was taking place during the Mass – it became easier to see that there were, truly, several miracles involved.

Secret 5 was a good reminder – ‘We don’t just receive’. We are invited to participate in a relationship with Christ.

How can we receive such a gift in a merely passive way? Yes, Christ is doing something. But part of what He’s doing is calling to us, inviting us to respond to His initiative in an active way.

We receive innumerable graces through receiving the Eucharist, but we are also called to enter into communion, or to be in ‘union with Christ’. Being in union with Christ means that we are called to be like him, to love him, and to actively participate in our relationship that He and I share.

In Secret 6 we learn that ‘Every Reception is Different’.

…there is an absolute relationship between how I receive and what I receive. – p. 71

Flynn brings into the discussion the passage from 1 Corinthians that is often used to help Catholics explain to our Protestant brothers and sisters why only confirmed Catholics may receive of the Eucharist in the Catholic Church. As Catholics, we believe that the Body and Blood of Christ is present in the consecrated hosts and wine, as such, we also believe

Whoever eats of the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily, will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgement on himself. 1 Cor 11:27-29

For years before my confirmation, I attended Mass with my husband and would quietly sit in the pew while the rest of the Mass attendees went to receive the Holy Eucharist. There were times that I did feel ‘excluded’ wondering why I couldn’t receive. As I began to learn more about the faith, I began to understand that its not an ‘exclusion’ with the intent of keeping one from receiving – but rather a concern over the soul of the recipient. For one to attend a Catholic Mass where, through the Priest, the hosts and wine are consecrated to become the Body and Blood of Christ and *not* believe this but still receives the Eucharist calls into the idea that one ‘eats and drinks judgement on himself’. Of course, this opens a pandoras box of discussion regarding the significant number of Catholics that receive and still don’t believe in the true presence of Christ and those who knowingly participate in sinful acts and continue to receive – but that’s well beyond the discussion here. The scripture makes it clear that we are not to judge and that instead those who do so ‘eat and drink judgement on themselves’.

What Flynn does note is that

If when I receive, I’m not desiring this special sacramental union with Christ and trying to get rid of anything in my mind or heart that is blocking it, I gain none of the sacramental effect that Christ wants to give me. I’m still receiving the sacrament, but I get none of its fruit.

and more specifically

My spiritual disposition before, during and after receiving the sacrament will determine whether the sacrament will produce good fruit in me (in varying degrees), have no effect at all, or result in my condemnation. – p. 76

This seems entirely fitting if we review the secrets until this point. They truly do build on one another and are intertwined.

The final secret is the one that opened my eyes in a significant way – ‘There is no limit to the number of times we can receive’. Someone will say, ‘But the teachings of the Church say that we are not to receive more that twice in one day.’ This is true of the number of times we are to receive ‘sacramental’ communion. We can, however, also receive ‘spiritual’ communion.

…we can also receive spiritually through our desire for the sacrament, uniting our hearts to the Heart of Jesus in the Eucharist. – p. 84

When we receive sacramentally, it is ideal for us to also receive spiritually – to be in full communion with Christ body, heart and soul. There are, however, times where we are unable to receive sacramentally, but can still be fully united with Christ which is known as ‘spiritual communion’. Flynn does, however, make it clear

Spiritual communion is not a substitute for sacramental Communion, but a very real anticipation and extension of its fruits.

Throughout the day we may have thoughts about Christ – moments of reflection and contemplation, moments of prayer etc… Why not turn those moments into moments of spiritual communion where through our thoughts and prayers we express our desire to be with Christ. Flynn brings examples of various Saints who lived their lives in perpetual ‘spiritual communion’ – a long shot for a wife, mother of two who works part time and tries desperately to keep up with her blog! St. Catherine of Siena noted a vision of Christ holding two chalices and saying to her

In this golden chalice, I put your sacramental communions. In this silver chalice, I put your spiritual communions. Both chalices are quite pleasing to me.

While perpetual spiritual communion is not likely in the cards for this blogger, there is no reason I cannot make a conscious effort to be in spiritual communion at various points throughout the day. During my morning prayers, after blessing the food at meals, during prayers with my children, even while doing the laundry – I can make a point of saying a little prayer and acknowledging my belief and desire for the sacramental Eucharist and my desire to be in communion with Christ. Flynn notes

Frequency is much more important than duration, because the more you practice spiritual Communion, the more it becomes a habit, a natural instinct to unite yourself with God.

All these ‘secrets’ are beautiful and insightful contemplations on the richness of the Eucharist as the Mystery of Faith. I fully appreciated my RCIA experience, but I wish we had the opportunity to spend more time discussing the Eucharist in the level of detail and on the level which Flynn outlines in his book. But then I ask myself, ‘Would I have been ready to hear and understand these things at that time?’ Perhaps not. Thankfully though, God placed this book in my path along this point in my spiritual journey so that I could not just read the book, but begin to contemplate the beautiful mysteries within and appreciate them each and every time I receive the Eucharist going forward.

The book sat on my nightstand for several days taunting me before I dared to open it. At just under 1000 pages and written by George Weigel, it intimidated me somewhat. ‘I’m not smart enough to read this!’ – I kept thinking to myself.

I still may not be smart enough to read the book, but I have started and it hasn’t disappointed thus far:

In order to ensure that the new millennium now approaching will witness a new flourishing of the human spirit, mediated through an authentic culture of freedom, men and women must learn to conquer fear. We must learn not to be afraid, we must rediscover a spirit of hope and a spirit of trust. Hope is not empty optimism springing from a naive confidence that the future will necessarily be better than the past. Hope and trust are the premise of responsible activity and are nurtured in that inner sanctuary of conscience where ‘man is alone with God’ and thus perceives that he is not alone amid the enigmas of existence, for he is surrounded by the love of the Creator – Blessed Pope John Paul II

I can’t wait to read more!

I’ll spare you the sob story of why my life is *full* because, in reality, it really doesn’t matter ‘why’ its full or ‘with what’ it is filled. Those aspects are insignificant because they are all relative. I’m fully willing to accept that the things that are filling my time may appear to be blessings to others and maybe even trivial to others. The point isn’t to pull out the world’s smallest violin and play myself a sad concerto of pity, but to look at ‘why’ my life is full right now.

As I continue to grow in my spiritual life, the closeness I feel to Christ comes in ebbs and tides. Some of this has to do with my own choices and behavior, but I believe that there are outside forces that seek to separate me from my relationship with my God and Saviour. Hmmmm…. who might want to do that?

I’ve done enough reading and listening to authorities on scripture to know that Satan is real and does exist, and that his goal is to keep as many of us away from Christ as possible. The further and more productive I became in keeping up with my blog (which, sadly, hadn’t been updated since Easter Sunday!), the more and more full my life became.

Rather than be distraught by this, I see it as an exercise in awareness. While I find myself being ‘distracted’ by the ‘fullness’, I also recognize that God has led me down a path where I can be aware of these intentions and work to stop them – as I have done today by breaking my ‘fullness’ and taking the time to post this here today. He also did so by helping me recognize that my prayer time had slipped to next to none and needed to be ramped up if I had any hope of navigating my way through the circumstances that exist right now.

I feel like I just did a little off-roading for the past few weeks leaving me a little bruised and battered from the bumps along the way. If I just keep along the path (or ‘the straight and narrow’ as my Grandmother used to say!), the ride is a lot easier as the path in front has been cleared somewhat.

Thank you Jesus! Amen.

Thankfully – for the sake of all of our souls, Jesus Christ submitted to the will of His father and allowed Himself to be humbled in His life and in His death. His life and death was an example of obedience beyond understanding and love beyond measure.

‘Without the Cross, there can be no resurrection.’ There was, indeed, a beautiful resurrection.

On the first day of the week,
Mary of Magdala came to the tomb early in the morning,
while it was still dark,
and saw the stone removed from the tomb.
So she ran and went to Simon Peter
and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and told them,
“They have taken the Lord from the tomb,
and we don’t know where they put him.”
So Peter and the other disciple went out and came to the tomb.
They both ran, but the other disciple ran faster than Peter
and arrived at the tomb first;
he bent down and saw the burial cloths there, but did not go in.
When Simon Peter arrived after him,
he went into the tomb and saw the burial cloths there,
and the cloth that had covered his head,
not with the burial cloths but rolled up in a separate place.
Then the other disciple also went in,
the one who had arrived at the tomb first,
and he saw and believed.
For they did not yet understand the Scripture
that he had to rise from the dead. – John 20: 1-9

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for your love and your sacrifice. In ‘The Real Face of Jesus‘, scientists stated that the power at the moment of your resurrection went beyond nuclear capacity. This incredible power for the resurrection was born of love for us. How do we even begin to comprehend a love that expansive and deep? Perhaps we don’t try to comprehend, but instead take it in and live it in a way that we can give it back to others.

He is Risen! Happy Easter!

“Only love, only love can leave such a mark

But only love, only love unites our hearts

Justified, till we die you and I will magnify, oh, oh

Magnificent, magnificent, magnificent”

As He hung there on the tree

He prayed for you and He prayed for me.

There was no one his pain to ease,

Before he died, he faintly cried,

Father forgive them please.

After arriving home exhausted on Holy Thursday, I fell asleep for about an hour and then received a text from a client who was having some issues with their email. I had wanted to go back to sleep until the next morning and deal with it then, but I couldn’t sleep and got up to call the 24-hour support provided by the web and email hosting company. After two hours, we felt we resolved what we could and I got off the phone with them shortly before 2 am and tried to get back to sleep. I was wide awake so I watched TV for a short while to help my mind come down from the whirlwind it had been on for the previous 2 hours. In hindsight, I should have prayed.

I awoke on Good Friday at 8 am and realized that what we *thought* had been resolved hadn’t and got back on the phone with the support people for another two hours. By the end of the two hours, again we felt we had resolved the issue. Later that morning, I discovered that the issue *still* hadn’t been resolved. This was causing a great deal of anxiety for my client, and for me. We were doing what we could with the hosting company, but we were dependent on them for much of the troubleshooting and to find a solution.

We went to the 3 pm Stations of the Cross that afternoon and as I sat down, I prayed for a few moments to be still. I prayed that I could shut off the outside world and be immersed in the story of the Passion of the Christ as we walked through the 14 Stations of the Cross. I felt at peace and free from the anxiety that had plagued me earlier in the day. While I was tired, I felt alert and relaxed at the same time.

As the Stations finished and we left the Church, I went back into anxiety mode trying to determine what would need to happen next in terms of helping my client. Throughout the day, I had realized that this experience was one of ‘small suffering’. It was one in which I needed to stay centered and focused. I needed to maintain my composure and not let my anxiety get the better of me. At the same time, I would need to try and find the balance between contemplating Christ’s time on the cross and my practical daily experiences that were presenting themselves.

Later that afternoon, my prayers were answered as I received a text from my client to inform me that the hosting company had finally resolved the problem we were having. He was frustrated with the whole experience, but knew that I had done all I could and had felt comfortable with the idea that there were some configuration issues well beyond our knowledge and that the hosting company was entirely responsible for ensuring that they needed to be correct. I was able to finish cooking dinner and get ready to head back to the Church for the Celebration of the Passion of the Lord.

The Liturgy of the Word was beautiful, but I was particularly moved by the second part, the Adoration of the Holy Cross. The first time I’d experienced this, I thought it unusual and – truthfully – a little weird. The idea of holding up in honor, a crucifix, seemed unnecessary to me. I went ahead with it in past years, but – in keeping with the Holy Thursday appreciation of ‘experiencing’ the Triduum instead of just merely ‘participating’ – this year was different. Earlier in the service, the Priest had given a beautiful homily and one phrase jumped out at me:

Without the Cross, there can be no resurrection

I had heard this phrase countless times before and I knew what it meant. I understood completely that to fully enjoy the good in life, we have to also experience the bad. Often times, the good can only come from clawing our way through the bad. The Shawshank Redemption, adapted from a book written by Stephen King, provides a beautiful – yet also gross – analogy of this when Andy, (warning – spoiler alert!) the character played by Tim Robbins, claws his way through a 1/2 mile long tunnel of raw sewage to find his freedom at the other end as he escapes from prison.

Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards… that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.

None of us has found true happiness in our lives without some form of suffering. The two go hand in hand. In the case of Christ, He suffered the horrific scourging and then a painful death on the cross in order that He would be resurrected. Without the Cross, there can be no resurrection.

Christ lived the prophecy and prayed for each and every one of us. He took on the sins of the world so that we may be free.

He was spurned and avoided by people,

a man of suffering, accustomed to infirmity,

one of those from whom people hide their faces,

spurned, and we held him in no esteem.

 

Yet it was our infirmities that he bore,

our sufferings that he endured,

while we thought of him as stricken,

as one smitten by God and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our offenses,

crushed for our sins;

upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole,

by his stripes we were healed.

We had all gone astray like sheep,

each following his own way;

but the LORD laid upon him

the guilt of us all.

 

Though he was harshly treated, he submitted

and opened not his mouth;

like a lamb led to the slaughter

or a sheep before the shearers,

he was silent and opened not his mouth.

Oppressed and condemned, he was taken away,

and who would have thought any more of his destiny?

When he was cut off from the land of the living,

and smitten for the sin of his people,

a grave was assigned him among the wicked

and a burial place with evildoers,

though he had done no wrong

nor spoken any falsehood. – Isaiah 53: 3-9

It is, therefore, important that we recognize the significance of the Cross in Christ’s willingness to die. Christ hung on the Cross so that our sins may be forgiven.

Behold the wood of the Cross,

on which hung the salvation of the world.

Without the Cross, there can be no resurrection.

For the past several years, our family has participated in the Triduum. Its a challenge for our young children, but they always get something out of it and its beautiful to witness. Last year, our son was giddy and overwhelmingly delighted when he declared ‘Mom, its the light of Christ!’ as the candles were slowly lit at the Easter Vigil at the Cathedral.

This year we began the Triduum by attending the Thursday Mass of the Last Supper where we, as Catholics, believe that Christ institute the Eucharist. This makes it a very Holy event for Catholics. There is, however, another very unique and special element to this Mass. At this Mass, 12 disciples of the Church are chosen to have their feet washed by the Priest as he represents Christ at the Mass, just as Christ washed the feet of his disciples at The Last Supper. He’s going to hate me for even saying this, but this year my husband was chosen to be one of those in our Parish who would have their feet washed. Its a very special experience usually recognizing those in the Parish who have exemplified what it means to be a disciple in the Parish community. I was very excited for my husband when he was chosen. As a fairly shy individual who doesn’t like to be in the spotlight, this was something about which there was some apprehension. I was very thankful that he chose to be one of the disciples.

After the homily, the twelve disciples are invited up and are seated in chairs facing those present in the sanctuary. The Priest slowly washes the feet of each disciple and gives them each a special blessing. As my husband walked to the front, I sat in the pew with our children – holding the hand of each on either side of me. Our daughter leaned over and said to me ‘You married a good man.’ The tears began to flow freely. At the same time, my son reached up and wiped away the tears as they flowed down my cheek. I thought about my husband’s sister who passed away this past May and felt her presence there with us as she, too, witnessed this beautiful experience.

Its a beautiful ritual. When the time came to wash my husbands feet, I could see my husband overcome with emotion. I was already teary and kept quietly saying to myself, ‘Thank you, Jesus, for my husband.’ Our daughter was right, I had married a good man. Like any of us, he struggles – but he has a good and kind heart and he works hard to be aware of his shortcomings. Isn’t that all we can ask of a spouse?

As the Mass continued and I received the Eucharist, I felt the presence of Christ in a strong and powerful way. I know He is always there, but sometimes I feel Him there more than others.

After receiving the Liturgy of the Eucharist was complete, the Transfer of the Most Blessed Sacrament began as the Priests, Deacons, and Altar Servers began to process around the Church with the Body of Christ. As this began, I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me and I began to cry. I thought about what was to happen to Christ as he would be scourged and crucified, and I began to weep. As I wept, I said ‘I’m sorry.’ over and over and over and over in my mind.

While the procession was taking place, we sang:

Pange, lingua, gloriosi

Corporis Mysterium,

Sanguinisque pretiosi,

Quem in mundi pretium

Fructus ventris generosi

Rex effudit gentium.

Which translates to:

Of the glorious body telling,

O my tongue, its mysteries sing,

And the blood, all price excelling,

Which the world’s eternal king,

In a noble womb once dwelling,

Shed for this world’s ransoming.

Its a beautiful piece – its definitely worth the listen.

The procession continued out of the Sanctuary and outside to our Family Center where we used to worship prior to our Church being built. Some began to talk as we were outside the sanctuary, but a few continued to sing, and more and more began to join until all were quiet again other than our singing. As we arrived in the Family Center and the choir finished singing we knelt in silence in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. I continued in my tears. They had subsided somewhat as we processed, but the feeling had stayed with me.

As I thought about my tears – about my weeping – I realized that this is what Jesus wanted. Not that He wants for us to be sad, but He wants for us to be aware. We can walk through our lives – and the rest of the Liturgical year – forgetting or taking for granted what He did for us. But, on Holy Thursday, He helped me to remember and to feel the pain at the thought of His immeasurable suffering. It was at that moment I realized, ‘I get it.’ I had always understood what He had done, but it was during the Mass that I really got to experience it. It was a beautiful gift – a beautiful grace that I will treasure always.

I’m wide awake

I’m wide awake

Wide awake

I’m not sleeping

Oh, no, no, no

“Careful consideration should be given to the danger of this power passing into the hands of those public authorities who care little for the precepts of the moral law. Who will blame a government which in its attempt to resolve the problems affecting an entire country resorts to the same measures as are regarded as lawful by married people in the solution of a particular family difficulty? Who will prevent public authorities from favoring those contraceptive methods which they consider more effective? Should they regard this as necessary, they may even impose their use on everyone.”

Keep in mind that this was written over 40 years ago. I have to admit that I haven’t yet read Humane Vitae – perhaps its time. Very powerful.